Jokes

Men discovered…..

Men discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT,
Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.
Men …

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Little Luke

Little Luke attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as His father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Luke asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His father was impressed that the young boy had noticed his in depth actions and hoped he would take an interest in becoming a great horse and stock man.
He replied, “Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy.”
Luke, looking worried, said: Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom!!

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Bill Clinton

Bill Clinton was in an airplane and he told to his friend: 'You know, if a throw this 1000 bill, i could make very happy 1 man'.
His friend told him:'yes, but if you drop 2 bills of 500 you could make happy 2 guys'.
One man who was listening all told them, 'Thats true, but if I throw you both, i could make happy all the nation'.

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Please do it again.

My sister, Paula, and her husband, Chris, had just finished tucking their young ones into bed one evening when they heard crying coming from the children's room. Rushing in, they found Tommy crying hysterically.
He had accidentally swallowed a 5p piece and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Trying to calm him, Chris palmed a 5p coin that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to remove it from Tommy's ear. Tommy, naturally, was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully – 'Do it again, Dad!'

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Old-timers Disease

An 80-year-old couple was having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure that nothing was wrong with them.
When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to him about the problems they were having with their memories. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things.
The couple thanked the doctor and left.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked him, “Where are you going?”
He replied, “To the kitchen.”
She asked, “Will you please get me a bowl of ice cream?”
He replied, “Sure.”
She then asked him, “Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?”
He said, “No, I can remember that.”
She then said, “Well I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you'll forget that.”
He said, “I ca..

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Electrocute nobody

Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, 'I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent,' They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words,' I am from the Creighton School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.' They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately prostrate themselves; beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, 'Well, I'm from the University of Alabam..

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Control over wife…

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, 'well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?'
The third fellow says 'I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.'
The first two guys were amazed. 'What happened then?' They asked. She said, 'get out from under the bed and fight like a man'.

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I was having trouble with

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Alex, the computer guy, to come over. Alex clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, ''So, what was wrong?''
He replied, ''It was an ID ten T error.''
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired: ''An ID ten T error? What's that … in case I need to fix it again?''
Alex grinned…. ''Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?''
''No,'' I replied.
''Write it down,'' he said, ''and I think you'll figure it out.''
So I wrote out ……. I D 1 0 T

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A compliment for the wife

Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. 'I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives.'
His wife replies, 'Why thank you, dear!'

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WOMEN

Why do women spend so much time on improving their LOOKS and not their MINDS??
Because they know that men are STUPID, but not BLIND…!!!

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