Jokes

WOMEN

Why do women spend so much time on improving their LOOKS and not their MINDS??
Because they know that men are STUPID, but not BLIND…!!!

0 Shares

Do men remember anniversaries???

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.
She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.
She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'
The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.
The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.
'Yes, I do' she replies.
The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering ..

0 Shares

Time to Go Home

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar and orders a double …

0 Shares

The Mischievous Children

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, 'Do you know where God is, son?'
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?!'
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and b..

0 Shares

Sleeping Arrangements

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said 'There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn.'
'No problem,' chimed the Rabbi, 'My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening. With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn.
'What's wrong?' asked the farmer.
He replied, 'I am grateful to you , but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal.'
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes late the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door, 'What's wrong, now?' the farmer asks.
T..

0 Shares

A Deadly Sneeze

Adolf Hitler was conducting a General Staff meeting, when somebody sneezed.
“Who was that!?” …

0 Shares

Questions, Replied with witty answers

Customer: Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer: Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer: Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter: I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

0 Shares

The husband store

A woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
The 1st floor sign on the door reads:
Floor 1: These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads:
Floor 2: These men have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework.
Oh, mercy me! she exclaims, I can hardly stand it!
Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor. this floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias cha..

0 Shares

Smart Blonde

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so a blonde went in to try out for the job. 'Okay,' the sheriff drawled, 'what is 1 and 1?'
'Eleven,' she replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, 'That's not what I meant, but she's right.' 'What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?'
'Today and tomorrow.'
He was again surprised that the blonde supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
'Now, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?'
The blonde looked a little surprised herself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, 'I don't know.'
'Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?'
So, the blonde wandered over to the beauty parlor, where her pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. The blonde was exultant. 'It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a ..

0 Shares

Which bird you want to be?

An Englishman, an Scotsman and a Blonde went on a mountain-climbing expedition together. Everything was going fine until one day, while they were walking along a narrow ledge, an avalanche ripped away the ledge on each side of them.
As they stood there wondering what to do, with the freezing night closing in, there was a strange shimmering in the air and a good fairy appeared, floating in front of them. She raised her wand and declared that, as they had all been good and the expedition was sponsored for charity and so forth, she was to rescue them from their terrible plight. Each of them could wish to be transformed into any bird of their choice in order to get safely off the mountain, and would return to their normal form once they reached home.
She turned first to the Englishman and asked what he wanted to be.
'A swan,' he replied, and a beautiful white swan replaced him. Stepping off the ledge, it spread its wings and flew off for England.
The fairy turned to the Scotsman..

0 Shares